Truth and Consequences
by FizzyWitch
Summary: Carol's thoughts after the events of "Inmates". Slight hints of Caryl.


**Truth and Consequences – ****By Fizzywitch**

There's so much overgrowth that walking across the untended railroad tracks is precarious. Even still, Carol can't help but glance up from the careful placing of her feet to look at Tyreese. Judith sleeps quietly -for now- in the sling Carol wears across her back. If necessary she can keep her back to whatever cover she can find and have her hands free for fighting.

There is no question in her mind of who the fighter of this group is if it comes to that. Tyreese outmatched many of the men back at the prison. The men who used to be at the prison. Carol doesn't think in names, because she doesn't want to wonder if the names she uses belong to the dead. She doesn't have much hope that they belong to the living anymore. Although Tyreese's strength is now a blessing it could prove to be very dangerous to her later on if he discovered the truth.

Would he be willing to kill her if he knew? Is that something he would do in front of these children? She wonders, but can't decide. The only thing she is sure of is that he doesn't know that she killed Karen and David. The warmth of his reception told her all she needed to know. She feels something rise in her throat. Vomit or tears, she isn't sure. But her belly is empty and she has no tears left to cry. She keeps walking.

When they reach this place, this Terminus, perhaps that should be the end of it. She could leave. Carol doesn't know when she started to believe Rick. When she felt his judgment settle on her shoulders like a weight. But she did. Somewhere in the darkness that first night on her own, she let herself wonder if she had done the right thing. Taking the lives of two friends and saying it was for the greater good. In her mind she still defends her actions. A small voice repeating all the reasons why it was the right thing, the only thing, she could have done. But Rick's voice still mutters accusingly. Even now, in the daylight, with the warmth of his daughter against her back.

She lied to Carl. A lie of omission weighs just as heavy on her shoulders as the lies that have fallen from her lips.

Carol can't help but think that Daryl knows what she did, that he must know by now. He would have asked. If Rick was going to tell any of them the truth it would have been Daryl. His brother in everything but blood. The only thing that would have kept Daryl from coming after her, searching for her the way he had searched for Sophia, was if Rick had told him that she was dead. Or the truth. The truth might have kept him away. Although, the Governor had done that rather neatly himself.

Before Sofia died, after Sofia lived. That is how Carol measures time now. That is how she measures herself now. The self she was before would have lied. This new Carol doesn't have time for that. Lie to everyone else. Anyone else. Lying to herself, saying she was too weak, that is why her daughter is dead. If she had been stronger... Carol walks a little faster across the railroad tracks and catches up to Mika, taking her hand. She feels the wet seep of Judith's drool through her shirt. She feels Tyreese's eyes on her, hungry to know he isn't alone at the end of the world. How strange that she should be the representative of hope for him now.

The truth is that she wants to be found. The truth is, as little as she deserves it, she wants to find Daryl. She wants to feel his hands run over her the way they do when he is checking for breaks, or bites, or scratches. The squeeze of his hand on hers that signals that everything is alright. She wants to lie to him. Say she's fine. She wants him to lie to her. She wants to bring him food and care for him in the small ways he allows her.

The truth is that Carol made a choice back at the prison. She chose who to follow. She let Daryl go to follow her girls. She lost a daughter once. She could not do that again. Even if it meant loosing her best friend in this new, terrible world. Even, Carol thinks, if that puts her life at risk. She is not thinking of the dangers posed by the walkers.

Looking down the hand that clasps Mika's, Carol knows that Daryl would have chosen these girls over her too. She loves him for it.

Carol has made choices, some good, some terrible. Her eyes flick up and over her shoulder, when they meet with Tyreese's she allows him a small grim smile. She will not be leaving her girls behind, man or walker would have to tear her away from them first. She knows what her penance is now. It wasn't Rick's banishment. She has decided, she has sentenced herself. When the girls are safe she will tell Tyreese the truth. She will live with the consequences.


End file.
